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Posts Tagged ‘gender-based violence’

Marriage Hell: My abusive arranged husband kicked me so hard our baby died & threatened to torch our house after I refused an abortion

PEERING out of her bedroom window at the 12ft drop below, Tina Kenworthy uttered terrifying instructions that would send a chill through any parent: “Throw the quilt down and jump!”

The frightened mum was teaching her sons how to escape their three-bedroom home in Leicester, in case her “monster husband” carried out his vile threat to burn down their house with them inside.

Tina, 49, had every reason to fear he’d go through with it – she claims he’d already dragged her down the stairs by her hair, beaten her up and kicked her in the stomach while she was pregnant.

After meeting her husband just twice, she was pressured into marrying him when she was 23.

Tina fell pregnant two months later, and says she noticed a radical change in his personality.

By the time their fourth son was born in 2007, she claims he was drinking excessively and taking drugs – and if she refused to have sex with him, he would attack her.

After 13 years of “torment”, Tina finally separated from her husband, but was dealt a devastating final blow – he left her in £40,000 of debt. 

Customer service team leader Tina has finally found happiness with a new partner, despite her family struggling to accept him at first because he wasn’t “chosen” for her and came from a different community.

She hopes by sharing her experience, it will encourage others in situations like hers to seek help and find a way out of abusive relationships.

Tina tells The Sun: “I felt like there was no escape. My husband became controlling very early on in our marriage and when he started to drink he would hit me for no reason.

“I tried to leave him multiple times and fled to women’s refuges but I didn’t feel strong enough or able to leave him for good.

“One of the worst times was when I was pregnant with our second child. He wanted me to have an abortion but I couldn’t do it and he turned really, really nasty.

“He kicked me in the stomach so hard that my baby stopped moving. Even after I had a stillbirth, I didn’t feel I could report how he was treating me to the police.

“Another time in the early hours of the morning, he grabbed a chunk of my hair and pulled me down the stairs to the kitchen because I refused to cook for him.

“At that time I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night and slept with my bedroom door locked and a knife under my pillow just so I could feel safe.

“I had to teach our boys how to jump out of the window because he threatened to set our house on fire while we were sleeping to burn us all alive.

He kicked me in the stomach so hard that my baby stopped movingTina Kenworthy

“During the worst parts of the marriage, I considered suicide because I couldn’t see another way out but I knew I couldn’t leave my boys with such a monster.

“It’s a miracle I survived and thankfully, I’ve now found a husband who truly loves me. I’m still dealing with the emotional abuse but I’m thriving and getting my life back on track.”

Pressured into marriage

Tina, who’s a Hindu, says the fear of “bringing shame” upon her family prevented her from feeling able to leave her husband sooner and her relatives often stressed divorce “was not an option”.

She was born in a small village in Shahkot in Punjab, India, and two years after moving to Britain in 1993, she returned to marry a stranger 18 months her senior.

She claims it wasn’t a forced marriage but it was “rushed” and she didn’t have time to get to know her future husband.

After returning to the UK she soon began to feel “trapped” by her husband’s increasingly manipulative behaviour.

After losing her second child in June 1997, Tina’s mental health nosedived and she became reliant on antidepressants.

Due to her husband controlling their finances, she struggled to find a way out of their marriage.

I couldn’t say no to him, if I did he would beat me up or tell my family I was not being a good wifeTina Kenworthy

She explains: “I was looking for a way to escape and the only way I knew how was to improve my education so that I could become financially independent.

“When I started university he became even more aggressive because he was losing control over my life and doors were opening up for me.

“In his eyes, he had control over my body. We were sleeping in separate rooms and he would force himself on me regularly.

“I couldn’t say no to him, if I did he would beat me up or tell my family I was not being a good wife.

“Due to him being a man they would take his side nine out of 10 times.”

Masked abuse

Tina claims her ex-husband would put on a front while visiting her relatives and played happy families so they would never suspect a thing.

“He was so manipulative, we would have a fight and then in front of my family he would be laughing, smiling and telling them how much he loved me,” she adds.

Tina claims she called the police at least 15 times during their marriage.

“In 2003, he was charged with actual bodily harm for assaulting me really badly, but pleaded guilty to common assault,” she recalls. 

“At that time he was truly horrible to live with, when he was drunk he would shout, scream and threaten to break the door down.

“In our culture, when you’re married you are your husband’s responsibility, which leaves so many ladies and young girls trapped in abusive relationships.”

In 2008, Tina finally left her husband after receiving advice from a women’s refuge about how to get a divorce and apply for financial assistance. 

He was so manipulative, we would have a fight and then in front of my family he would be laughing, smiling and telling them how much he loved meTina Kenworthy

She underwent a support recovery programme from the Helping Other People Everyday (H.O.P.E.) Training, which helped her to work through the trauma she endured.

“I’m really proud of what I’ve achieved, I’m empowered and believe in myself more than ever thanks to the counselling I’ve received,” Tina says.

“There are bad days but I have worked to become independent, mentally stronger and able to cope financially.”

Since their divorce was finalised in 2012, Tina claims she has not seen her ex-husband after he “fled”.

“Looking back I’m a much stronger person now and despite him taking out £40,000 in personal loans, I’m working to pay off what we owe,” she says.

Finding love again

As Tina slowly pieced her life back together, she joined the online dating site eharmony in 2014. 

A year later she met Andrew Kenworthy and the relationship was a world away from what she’d experienced in the past.

They married in 2017, and Tina says she now knows what a loving relationship feels like.

“We have arguments like any couple but we listen to each other, can give our opinions without fear and speak honestly with one another,” she says.

“My boys see it too and tell me, ‘Mum, you deserve this.’ When I look back now I feel like I’m lucky to be alive and to have found such happiness.”

Honour-based abuse on the rise

Abuse after arranged and forced marriages have come into the spotlight after a spike in recorded crimes across the country. 

New figures reveal that ‘honour-based’ violence has risen 81 per cent in the last five years – from 884 in 2016 to 1,599 last year.

The data, which came from 28 out of 39 constabularies after freedom of information requests by The Guardian, didn’t surprise several charities who spoke to The Sun.

They said the true extent of the problem is considerably worse than the figures suggest because many people do not feel safe reporting abuse.  

Meena Kumari, of H.O.P.E. Training, and Yasmin Khan from The Halo Project, are calling for more to be done.

“I believe this rise is the tip of the iceberg,” Meena tells The Sun.

She believes specialist training should be compulsory for all police officers, constables and volunteers and a national strategy to ensure all crimes of this type are recorded.

Meena also has called for more funding to investigate the “low number of charges and fall in conviction rates” to work out how best to help victims.

Yasmin echoes these calls for better training to recognise the abuse and more assistance for those trying to leave abusive partners.

It’s estimated that between 12 and 15 people die each year in the UK from so-called “honour killings” – but Yasmin insists that figure is “a huge underestimation”.

Among the victims is Banaz Mahmod whose family plotted her murder in 2006 after she left an allegedly abusive marriage and chose a partner of her own choosing.

Yasmin says: “Families will not report a missing man or woman to the police and there are also people who have been taken abroad and killed.

“Some will go to great lengths to protect their family’s honour, including hiring bounty hunters. We need to do more and respond better to save lives.”

For information or help visit get in touch with the Halo ProjectH.O.P.E Training and Consultancy or Karma Nirvana.

Tina’s story will be published in the book The Story Of My Life book and also featured on the Positive Minds podcast, shared by the mental health charity Our Solutions CIC.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/16764324/arranged-marriage-tina-kenworth-domestic-abuse/

Asian victims are ‘being failed’

By: Lauren Codling

CAMPAIGNERS have warned that Asian victims of abuse are “being failed” due to a lack of cultural understanding by authorities, which they said can cause police investigations to “fall apart”.

In interviews with Eastern Eye this week, charity bosses have said police should do more to recognise the specific barriers and safeguarding risks ethnic minority victims face when reporting a crime, as not doing so means there is an increased risk of victims retracting their reports.

One academic said victims are denied justice as police officers “misinterpret, destroy or inaccurately record evidence”.

Their comments follow an outpouring of grief and anger following the murder of Sabina Nessa, a 28-year-old teacher whose body was found in a park near her home in south-east London in September. A 36-year-old man charged with her murder denied the charge in a London court on Tuesday (28).

Nessa’s case has reignited the discussion around the level of violence faced by women and girls, with a new report revealing there are an estimated 1.6 million female victims of domestic abuse in England and Wales in the year ending March 2020. The report, by the Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services, said there were 618,000 female victims of sexual assault.

Writing for Eastern Eye this week, Professor Aisha K Gill, PhD, CBE, of the University of Roehampton, a leading criminologist, said in the past two decades that she has worked in the field, she found that prosecution cases often fall apart because police officers “misinterpret, destroy or inaccurately record evidence”.

She confirmed she had made formal complaints regarding these accusations. “They may even fail to gather key evidence in the first place because they deem the accused’s story more credible than the victims,” said Gill, a professor of criminology.

Yasmin Khan founded the Halo Project, a charity which supports victims of honour based violence and forced marriages in the UK. She explained ethnic minority victims do not get to the criminal justice stage due to the lack of understanding by police forces, who fail to apprehend the specific barriers and safeguarding risks BAME victims face when the abusers share the same culture and ethnicity.

“(Investigations fall apart) because police officers haven’t got the understanding and don’t consider the barriers that black and minority ethnic victims of sexual abuse are facing,” she said. “Victims are being failed all the time.”

In a 2020 report, the charity identified nine key failures in police responses to reports of sexual abuse within the ethnic minority community.

This included a disproportionate focus on community impact; lack of empathy from the police; and a failure to understand the “retraumatising effect” of the prosecution process.

“We need to make sure that (authorities are) removing the barriers for victims to come forward and make those disclosures – not put barriers in place for them,” Khan told Eastern Eye.

Natasha Rattu, executive director at charity Karma Nirvana, agreed the criminal justice often discredits victims who delay reporting. “In cases of honour-based
abuse, we know victims very often do retract,” she told Eastern Eye. “(We need) to  ensure that when people do come forward and report, we get it right, by engaging with them and improving their confidence.”

“They shouldn’t be feeling that the reason they want to retract is because they don’t feel (authorities) understand. Many victims do retract for those reasons, and that’s entirely unacceptable.”

‘Authorities must take abuse claims seriously’

According to government statistics, the number of rape convictions in England and Wales reached a record low in 2020-21. Only three per cent of alleged rapes ended in a conviction.

In a 2013 report by the Home Office, researchers found only around 15 per cent of those who experience sexual violence report the crime to the police.

Aneeta Prem, the founder of Freedom charity, said she has found it takes a “long, long time” before a victim will report a case against a perpetrator. It is vital such reports are always taken seriously by authorities, she said.

“People are very reluctant to report and when they do come forward, they need to be believed,” Prem said.

Khan also noted the emphasis is on the victim – not the offender. “(Women) have to make the complaints, we have to change our direction on an evening when we’re walking home, we have to choose what we ignore, and what we think is improper,” she said. “We’ve been victim blaming for far too long.”

Prem echoed Khan’s sentiments. “I heard one comment about Sabina, asking why she was out in the dark? But it was only 8:30pm (when she was allegedly attacked), it isn’t even that late to be going out. We shouldn’t be blaming women for going out and getting attacked.”

In reaction to the murder of marketing executive Sarah Everard in south London in March, the government vowed to make Britain’s streets safer for women by including increased funding for street lighting and closed-circuit TV.

However, Khan does not believe the government is doing enough. Authorities need to take a preventative approach instead, she said. “We need to ensure we’re understanding the root cause, which I don’t think has been happening.”

Gill has called for an overhaul of the criminal justice system that would ensure steeper penalties for gender-based violence and a focus on early education and prevention. Rattu argued that specialist services such as Karma Nirvana needed to be sustained and prioritised so that the needs of all victims could be tailored to.

Reacting to the news of Nessa’s murder, London mayor Sadiq Khan told Eastern Eye he was “devastated” by her death. “What happened to Sabina is every parent’s nightmare and every woman’s worst fear,” said Khan, who is a father to two daughters. “Her death is a tragedy and I stand with the community in Kidbrooke (in south-east London, where Sabina lived) and with Londoners across our city, united in grief, and united in our determination that justice is done.”

The mayor said City Hall had invested £60.7 million to tackle all violence against women and girls. The funding is being used to reduce waiting lists, keep doors open for vital specialist support services for victims and improve the police response to domestic abuse and violence against women and girls.

“Women and girls in London deserve to feel safe at all times, in every part of our city and I remain committed to making our city safer for them,” the mayor said.

Apsana Begum, Labour MP for Poplar and Limehouse in east London, said the case had filled her with “rage and grief”. “It provides a reminder of the fact that basic safety is not a right afforded to all equally,” she told Eastern Eye. “On average, one woman is killed every three days in the UK – that is one woman too many every day and every year.”

She said the case reminded her of the murders of Everard as well as sisters Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman, who were stabbed to death by a then-18-year-old man in north London last June. “These are not one-off or isolated incidents; this sort of violence has been persistent for centuries and decades and it must be ended,” Begum said.

“We cannot turn a blind eye to this public health crisis”

Many others have also made comparisons between Nessa and Everard, who was killed by a police officer in March.  Everard’s murder sparked a widespread debate about the safety of women and gendered violence in the UK.

However, Gill said cases involving women of colour do not lead to the same level of public outrage and anger as those involving white women.

“Countless women of colour have died during this epidemic of violence against women,” she said. “We cannot turn a blind eye to this public health crisis.”

Yasmin Khan agreed the reaction to Nessa’s murder should reach the same level of attention. “The outpouring for Sarah Everard was right, but the outpouring for Sabina needs to be echoed in the same way and provide that catalyst for change,” she said.

Rattu added: “They were two women who were murdered by the very same attitudes, fundamentally, and they both deserve to be remembered. We need to
make sure that we don’t have more cases like (the murders of Nessa and Everard).

“We’re seeing it happen more and more, which in the society and day and age we
live in, should not be our reality in 2021.”

In response to Eastern Eye, a National Police Chiefs’ Council (NPCC) spokesman acknowledged the challenges for policing in response to violence against women and girls. “While policing has improved in our response, we are determined to do even better,” they said.

The spokesman noted the drivers of violence, abuse or intimidation are “hugely complex”, highlighting additional challenges such as court backlogs and the  increase in investigation of digital devices now required, “which present challenges”.

“There are no easy answers to this problem, but collectively government, policing and the criminal justice system need to keep working together to find ways to swiftly secure justice for victims,” the spokesman said.

The Home Office and the College for Policing did not respond to a request for comment from Eastern Eye.

Saira Khan: ‘Growing up, I thought domestic abuse was part of our culture and normal’

When I was thrust into the media spotlight after being on The Apprentice in 2005, I vowed to use my platform to talk about life growing up in Britain.

From a young age I felt that while I was British – born and educated here – I was not represented.

At times, it felt like Asian matters were dealt with by unelected community leaders, while the rest of the population was accounted for by laws and MPs.

Many women like me, who try to straddle two distinct cultures, see and experience things that others never do – arranged marriages, forced marriages, child brides, cultural control.

Many come here from places like Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, with no knowledge of the language, and are forced to be dutiful maids at the mercy of the families they have been married into

This is a generalisation but, from what I saw growing up, it was a regular norm. That is my truth.

Some people accuse me of only highlighting negative stories from the South Asian culture.

The trolls come out in force, some issuing death threats, in the hope I will just shut up.

But I have always made a stand for the women in my community because so many can’t speak up.

They don’t know who to talk to without feeling judged. And they could be ­ostracised – or killed – for dishonouring their families.

The guilt bestowed upon Asian women from birth is indescribable. You learn to live with it but that guilt shapes every aspect of your life.

And it keeps the misogyny alive.

MPs don’t want to discuss the abuse in case they’re accused of being racist. But silence results in innocent women being abused, violated and murdered.

I grew up thinking it was acceptable for men to shout at women and that hitting is part of our culture and normal.

It isn’t. It’s domestic abuse and there are laws in this country to protect us from it.

We need this message to infiltrate all communities in Britain.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/saira-khan-growing-up-thought-24211502

Ireland to outlaw forced marriage

The Republic of Ireland is set to introduce a new law which criminalises forced marriage.

New legislation proposed by the Department of Justice would make “intentional conduct of luring an adult or a child . . . with the purpose of forcing [them] to enter into a marriage” an indictable offense. There is currently no specific prohibition against the practice in Irish law.

The new law is expected to be enacted by the end of next year, the Irish Times reports. It will come as part of a new government strategy to deal with sexual, domestic and gender-based violence.

Other proposed policies include the abolition of exemptions for underage marriages. Currently, people under the age of 18 can marry in Ireland with a ‘Court Exemption Order’. To get one, the couple must demonstrate that their marriage is in their best interests. The Department of Justice hopes that eliminating these orders will also reduce the number of forced marriages.

Read More: http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2016/01/21/ireland-to-outlaw-forced-marriage/

Forced marriage to be made illegal under new strategy

Ireland will introduce a specific offence of forced marriage as part of the Government’s new strategy for domestic, sexual and gender-based violence, it has been announced.

The issue of forced marriage is not currently dealt with directly by Irish law but the proposed offence category, which may become active by the end of next year, will target the “intentional conduct of luring an adult or a child . . . with the purpose of forcing [them] to enter into a marriage”.

The strategy further clarifies that any new offence of luring a person abroad for a forced marriage “would need to be indictable”. The Department of Justice has already announced plans to abolish exemptions for underage marriages, which is expected to have the additional benefit of protecting minors against forced marriage. The move comes after the UK introduced laws for cases of forced marriage 18 months ago.

Read More: http://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/forced-marriage-to-be-made-illegal-under-new-strategy-1.2504367

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