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Posts Tagged ‘honour abuse’

Saira Khan: ‘Growing up, I thought domestic abuse was part of our culture and normal’

When I was thrust into the media spotlight after being on The Apprentice in 2005, I vowed to use my platform to talk about life growing up in Britain.

From a young age I felt that while I was British – born and educated here – I was not represented.

At times, it felt like Asian matters were dealt with by unelected community leaders, while the rest of the population was accounted for by laws and MPs.

Many women like me, who try to straddle two distinct cultures, see and experience things that others never do – arranged marriages, forced marriages, child brides, cultural control.

Many come here from places like Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, with no knowledge of the language, and are forced to be dutiful maids at the mercy of the families they have been married into

This is a generalisation but, from what I saw growing up, it was a regular norm. That is my truth.

Some people accuse me of only highlighting negative stories from the South Asian culture.

The trolls come out in force, some issuing death threats, in the hope I will just shut up.

But I have always made a stand for the women in my community because so many can’t speak up.

They don’t know who to talk to without feeling judged. And they could be ­ostracised – or killed – for dishonouring their families.

The guilt bestowed upon Asian women from birth is indescribable. You learn to live with it but that guilt shapes every aspect of your life.

And it keeps the misogyny alive.

MPs don’t want to discuss the abuse in case they’re accused of being racist. But silence results in innocent women being abused, violated and murdered.

I grew up thinking it was acceptable for men to shout at women and that hitting is part of our culture and normal.

It isn’t. It’s domestic abuse and there are laws in this country to protect us from it.

We need this message to infiltrate all communities in Britain.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/saira-khan-growing-up-thought-24211502

Mayra Zulfiquar, a UK resident of Pakistani origin, found dead in Lahore ‘after refusing to marry a man’

Police in the Pakistan city of Lahore are hunting for two men over the murder of a UK resident they had each reportedly been pressurising to marry them.

The suspects are being hunted as a close friend of Mayra Zulfiquar has told Sky News how the victim’s parents are struggling to come to terms with their daughter’s death.

Ms Zulfiquar, a 24-year-old law graduate of Pakistani origin who is a Belgian national, was found dead with bullet wounds in her rented flat after four men, including the two chief suspects, were believed to have broken in early on Monday.

Sky correspondent Mark White has said Ms Zulfiquar was buried in a funeral service in Lahore this morning in accordance with Islamic tradition.

Her parents flew out to the city from Feltham, in west London, to attend the service.

Their daughter had travelled to Pakistan for a wedding two months ago and had decided to stay, the English-language newspaper Dawn has reported.

Police have detained two men for questioning over the death as they hunt for another two suspects.

Punjab police superintendent Sidra Khan, citing an initial post-mortem report, told Dawn that Ms Zulfiquar had two bullet wounds – one to her neck and another to her arm – and had bled to death.

Bruises were found on her right hand and left foot.

Police said they have opened a first information report (FIR) on the case after receiving a complaint from Ms Zulfiquar’s uncle, Lahore resident Mohammad Nazeer.

The FIR said Mr Nazeer found his niece’s body after receiving a phone call from her father in London to say she had been killed.

https://news.sky.com/story/british-woman-mayra-zulfiqar-killed-in-pakistan-after-refusing-to-marry-a-man-12297168

Covid: The never-ending lockdown of witness protection

“You don’t get to say goodbye to anyone, you don’t get to phone them up and say ‘oh by the way I’m going into witness protection, I’m not going to speak to you’.”

Self-isolation and reduced contact with friends and family has been a necessity during the pandemic, but for some people it’s a never-ending reality.

The BBC was given extremely rare access to someone in the closely-guarded and secretive UK Protected Persons Service (UKPPS).

For more than 20 years, Sian (not her real name) says she was a victim of horrendous, sustained, physical and sexual domestic violence.

As a result, she and her children now live in “witness protection” conditions in a state of enforced separation and anonymity.

Having grown up with abuse throughout her childhood, Sian was a teenager when she met the man she would later marry.

But things quickly took a dark turn.

At first it was sexual violence,” she said, pausing briefly after every few words.

“But then physical violence crept in. Within three weeks he was raping me. That led to two decades of domestic violence.”

Things got worse after Sian had children.

But – after a particularly traumatic experience – she sought medical help and that led to wider involvement from the authorities – the police deemed the risk to her life was so severe, she had to enter the protected persons service right away.

Life changed immediately.

She and her children were moved to another part of the UK and, to all intents and purposes, dropped off the face of the earth to many people they knew. They were given new identities and asked to start over.

“There’s always this constant reminder of what has happened and where we are, so that will never leave us,” she told me, hesitating.

“Your old life stopped and your new life has started. You live ‘normal’, which is normal for us, but not for anybody else.”

It’s not just witnesses of serious crime that are part of the UKPPS.

It is also for people like Sian, where the threat on their life is so severe, there is no other option.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-54148742

UK is failing girls who flee forced marriage, says honour abuse survivor

At 12 years old, Shaheen Hashmat left her family home in Scotland to escape the threat of forced marriage to a stranger in Pakistan. At 13, she attempted suicide.

Hashmat, who now campaigns against forced marriage and “honour based” violence, says Britain urgently needs better mental health services for girls and women escaping these situations.

“There needs to be far more training about the increased risk of suicide and the impact of family estrangement,” said Hashmat, who won the True Honour 2016 award on Thursday for her bravery in standing up to honour abuse.

Experts say thousands of girls and women in Britain are subjected to  every year as a way of controlling behaviour perceived as bringing shame on their family. Hashmat, now 33, grew up in a strict Pakistani family in which every aspect of her life was policed from the TV she watched to the people she spoke to and even the way she sat.

She was beaten and saw others in her family beaten too. Her two older sisters were forced into marriage as teenagers after being sent “on holiday” to Pakistan. As she grew up she started to challenge what was happening around her. “If I had stayed the physical abuse would have increased because I was seen as being out of control and becoming too westernised,” she told Thomson Reuters Foundation.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/wires/reuters/article-3487516/UK-failing-girls-flee-forced-marriage-says-honour-abuse-survivor.html#ixzz42bffpQyO

Karma Nirvana: Spending a day at the helpline advising terrified girls being pushed into forced marriages

It was the first of many messages sent to the forced marriage and honour abuse charity Karma Nirvana from a teenager desperate to escape home. Over the past few months, in snatched one-line messages – “can’t stay at home any more. Losing the plot” – she has tried to plan her escape with staff at the helpline.

In her chain of emails, she has claimed to be a “punch bag” for the family and expressed fears that her parents will  “send her away to get married or worse” if they knew she was planning on fleeing.

When The Independent spent a day at the helpline this week, the young woman was finally able to make telephone contact, sneaking a few seconds alone while her family were downstairs. Softly, she asks if the charity has been able to find a refuge for her in the city she wants to move to. The answer is no: all places are full up for the second day in a row.

Read More: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/karma-nirvana-spending-a-day-at-the-helpline-advising-terrified-girls-being-pushed-into-forced-marriages-10414690.html

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